I'm sure not many people are reading this blog and I don't blame you. Nothing too exciting happens here, it's just my life. But still, I feel the need to record some things to keep a record even if it's just for me. On my 35 minute drive to work everyday I am thinking about what I should write or post.
Instead of trying to get all caught up on one page, I will start from today and continue to blog and update when referring back. How's that? Okie dokie, here I go.
This week the Spring Quarter at school started. I don't have anything in the display case this time, but my classmate who I gave some of my ideas to because he couldn't think of any does have two of mine in the display case. I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, I told him, "Here, just take these, they're good ideas, I just couldn't make it work" and he did and they look great. But, they're my ideas and I couldn't make them work, but he can. See, this is my problem, and I know it: I have great concepts, but I have trouble with the execution. That's why I need a team. I'm good in a team because I can recognize people's strengths and order the project accordingly. This is called being a Director, but I have to start at the bottom to get there and I'm afraid I won't ever even make it to the bottom with the crap I've been putting out. Before you start to put in the comments something like "Oh Vicki, you're a great blah blah blah blah", let me just stop you by saying that if I'm so great, why couldn't I pass my portfolio class? I had to drop the class so I wouldn't fail and I still had to pay for it and all the printing of the projects AND since I didn't pass, I still have to take it and pay for all of it again.
My classmates were upset that I didn't pass. I don't know how I feel about that because I don't understand why they should be upset about me not passing.
I still cry whenever I think about the whole ordeal because it scares me. I mean, if I can't pass my portfolio class, I can't graduate and all the money goes straight down the drain. If that's the case, I really don't have any business being in a design school, then do I? I have another chance this summer. I hope the projects I've been working on will be good enough to pass then. I can't go through another failure like that, financially and emotionally.
It's not like I've never failed before. I've been failing at life since I left high-school. It's just that to be told you're not good enough to be doing the one thing it's taken you years to find, is heart-breaking.
4 comments:
Hi Vicki. I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this. I have a hard time with execution too, but for slightly different reasons I think. It's so much work and I struggle with depression (well I suspect bipolar or something) and so after the excitement wears away I tend to get overwhelmed and call it good enough when it could be better. I promise, you ARE good enough. You're trying and that's worth so much. If you really love it, never stop trying. Even if the practicalities of life force you to take a break from pursuing it in school keep trying on your own until you can come back officially. But you won't have to because you're great and you have so many resources available there at school if you're just willing to look and ask for a little help. You'll get there. :)
I hope this is helpful to you and not obnoxious. I know I don't really talk to you, but I want you to know I'm here cheering for you.
Please don't give up on yourself. When I work on something so tough like you are currently doing. I start losing my joy and my project starts to show. How to find the joy again? Remember why you started this journey. Perhaps, it was the deepest desire to accomplish Art degree. Now, my creative, beautiful friend dig deep of were you found that confidence when you gave up so much to do it and you will be surprise your joy will come back. You have gone a long way now. You got this! Remember, Albert Einstein quoted " I have not failed. I only know 1000 ways it wont work" Look what he accomplished. So can YOU!
thanks. I'm not giving up, I've come too far. As far as support goes, yes I use it, but I feel like I'm not asking the right questions to the right people and it's frustrating.
Hi, remember me? I've been thru hell and back (healthwise) but I ain't dead yet. Last time I visited my own blog was probably back in Nov. I think. I had a great month in Taos in February (but frustrated in my attempts to paint) and I was in the ER fighting for my life 2 weeks after I got home. A week in the hospital & a long 2-month recovery.........So it goes...
So I came here looking for you and was really bummed at your portfolio class troubles. I hope things are better now, and I agree with the above comments. Never give up. If it's what you want, I have every confidence in you. You'll make it happen.
But keep your eyes open. There may be a path ahead that leads to something totally different that will infuse your life with renewed enthusiasm.
Now get back on that horse (I mean blog) and tell us how you've been. Summer's almost here. What's up?
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