nah nah, nah nah nah...

I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who has a conflict with her age. My 42nd birthday was on Wednesday and I had fun with friends before and after going to class.
The problem I have with my age isn't that I don't physically feel 42 or the fact that I don't look 42, it's that I don't act 42. I have a problem with this because I don't know what that means. How does a 42 year old woman without children, who is in college and lives in a tiny apartment scattered with artsy stuff supposed to act?
Yes, I do childish things sometimes, so what? Everyone should, it's fun. But I don't think that one act of  what someone considers childish behavior once in a while should set my whole persona, because it doesn't. I wonder if I do those things simply because it's fun or because on some subconscious level I'm upset because my mental age and my chronological age don't match and I feel at odds about that.
Still, I act how I act regardless and I don't feel I should apologize for it.