Here's the poop: my school only deals with one lending company. So when I ask for money to help pay tuition and my monthly living expenses, I can only deal with one place because any other place has to be approved by the school in order to defer payments until after I graduate in 18 months and of course the school doesn't approve anyone but Sallie Mae. Now, with the new director of finance at her desk, I've been informed that the school will no longer be approving any amount over the tuition with the exception of housing, which in my case is only my $580 monthly rent, not electricity, not water, not grocery money, nothing but rent. So, when I was given this information by my financial "advisor" (a term I use loosely with this woman because she's not that helpful) I almost swallowed my tongue. Then, she said "oh and you may not be approved for your 'excess funds' request" I really wanted to haul off and punch somebody at that point. I really was thinking "Man, I would be better off in prison right now, I mean, free education, free food, free bed. WTF?? Why do I feel like I'm being punished for doing nothing but good all my life? Fuck this country"
My boyfriend (yes, I have one of those now) saw that I was home, so he came in. I didn't even move off of the couch when I saw him, I just wanted to be alone and wallow in my feeling of dread. But he didn't let me, he sat with and held me and let me cry. He didn't try to "fix" anything, he didn't offer "advice", he just let me talk and cry and I appreciated it. He stayed with me until I fell asleep even though he had to get up at 3 a.m. to go to work. After I got off of work, we got dressed, met some of my friends at Starbucks, went to dinner then commenced to drinking until I was giggly. He drove and took care of me and I appreciated that too.
The new week of school left me feeling like this could be the last time I walk these art-filled hallways, talk to the security guards, my favorite teachers, sit in the student lounge and watch all the happenings. I didn't want that, I wanted to continue until I graduated as I had planned, find a job somewhere in the country and start my new life. But what if I couldn't? I tried to keep that thought out of my head at least until Friday when I would know if I got approved or not.
Friday September 5th I got approved for my request for tuition and "excess funds", now I just needed to apply to Sallie Mae to see if I needed a co-signer again or not. I kept hoping I would not because I really do not want to put my parents through that responsibility again and I hate asking them for money. I did get approved without a cosigner because apparently I make enough money to cover the amount I'm borrowing and I have renewed my credit capabilities by applying for and using my new Discover card (even though I just use it twice a month for gas and pay it off).
A little light was starting to come through my dark tunnel. I know I'm going to be in debt until I die, but it will be my debt and nobody else's and I'm ok with that.
I still need to find another job to make up for the $200 I'm lacking due to the new "excess funds" rule. I'm applying to a few places, hoping to get my proverbial foot in the graphic design door, but also to a few places that just pay more. So far I've been told two positions have been filled and that one was not taking applications any longer. I have until January because that is when my extra money I have saved will run out and also when Joann will only be giving me about 5 hours a week.
I have a lot of work to do to prepare my portfolio since my one flash drive went missing and my other one erased itself. I have no digital files what so ever and have to start completely all over with anything I wanted to put in for my portfolio. I will have to do that over the Christmas break to prepare for my Portfolio Prep class at school for the Winter quarter. It's a lot of work, but at least I can still go to school for the next 9 months.
